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Miss Ali Lee Continuing Her Progressive Domination….Get Some

Click the link in the picture below, trust me stackhouse.com, is not worthy of the the recognition that Ali is getting from Hard Body. This girl is blowing up, and I promise it will be a time line on this site via reporting her accolades in front of your eyes.

BTW, it was Ali’s Birthday last weekend, Happy Birthday Ali, your an amazing entertainer, keep up the good work hun

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The One Celeb I know With Actual Validity In Her Background

just wanted to throw in a few links and videos to Ali Lee’s new video, and videos of her on the grind, before she started singing. Not many people can boast unedited original youtube clips of them selves, and have them look identical to their professional music video. Just me personally proving a point that Ali Lee is the real deal, and truly one of a kind. Her numbers are climbing, her traffic is increasing, and people are genuinely experiencing the first real pop star in years. This of course is all my own personal opinion, but, all the things I am saying about Ali are entirely true. Shes a bad ass, and their prof of it :) so enjoy the video, like subscribe to her channel, and take a glimpse into the world of Miss Ali Lee. Get Some

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e it bitch!! ***ROCK STAR STATUS*** Peep Ali Lee’s Debut Music Video

By the way be sure to visit the video on Ali’s YouTube Channel like, rate and subscribe. Get Some

Click on the pictures below to Access Ali-Lee’s Website

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Ali Lee’s New Hit Single

It was only a matter of time before this young lady blew up, but shits official now.

Her single is flat out amazing. Katy Perry, is gonna get put into retirement from this shit.

Ali has built this career from the ground up, the ingredients for her success have just now all come together.

Normally a Pop Star has to train in lagging aspects of their overall package, but not Ali.

Ali has already been entertaining people in nightclubs for years now, so she can dance, Ali is a breath taking model with an amazing portfolio, so she obviously has the look, and last but not least, she can sing like a rock star.

Download her single Keep it Right There from I tunes, or learn more about this up and coming Star at her fan page



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Ali Lee’s new hit single, download this ish today

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Ali Lee, Smoking Hot Video: The Dope Dime Piece of the Week.

click the pick to see Max!mus studios on Facebook

All rights for the video go to Mr. Jason Lee, check out the vid on his youtube channel, rate subscribe and comment. Him and Ali get all the credit for this video clip.

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Ali Lee’s latest trip to Mexico…….Yes Fucking Sir

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Shes a Good Chick but I Had to Break Up With Her Cuz Shes a Stalker.

A good chick….that is what most of us are NOT. And those of us that ARE, always apparently turn out to be stalkers. When I say stalker I don’t mean “drug your drink, bash in your car windows ect…” ladies, its terribly shitty but you don’t have to do anything near all that to get the reputation of a stalker. Your lucky if they use the phrase “a good girl, BUT” before they throw out the word stalker, in fact.

The thing that most guys don’t realize is that females (let me state that this is not every female as there are rare exceptions. Exceptions I do encourage you to hold out for) are subconsciously looking for a reason and a way to fuck you over dogie style. And then they wonder why dudes put up this hard exterior all the time. Its called self preservation, ladies, and we are doing it to ourselves. But the point is, females are worse than men by about 11 times. A guy will go fuck some random girl in the backseat of his truck and not think twice about it. A girl will go fuck 5 dudes in the backseat of a truck and think about the next time she can do it. And she will be pleased with herself for being able to have her cake and eat it too, as opposed to a man who will likely feel pretty bad about it all, provided he decided the whole act even merits a second thought. Guys also cheat for different reasons. They cheat because they are scared to hurt the girls feelings and be the ass hole. So yea, they act like little bitches, but its because they are big fat teddy bears on the inside. But guys, you don’t need to be scared because she has been playing you like her grandpappys banjo since day one, so just consider that when you tip toe around her cheating ass’s feelings. That is as good as a fact. ( you also shouldn’t be scared because this is YOUR life and there is absolutely no reason to spend time with someone you don’t want to be around. Your entitled to be self aware and know that you don’t like someone. Regardless of if it hurts feelings, as long as your not being mean about it, your not in the wrong even slightly. If girl makes you feel like your wrong to leave, shes a manipulator and that’s even more reason to bounce.)

I want to say one quick thing to the gentleman out there reading because you truly deserve to know this. The nicer your girls seems….the more of a pro she is. (if you happen to be named THE LUCKIEST GUY ON THE PLANET and you find the one of the few girls in the world that is different, I would hold on realllllly tight to that shit, and completely disregard my previous statement.)

If she seems like the perfect girl and she seems like everything you told her you want in a female over your first date, its because she CHOSE to be what it is you want, purely to distract you from what shes doing on the side. If your blind sighted by perfection you’ll never think or want for that matter to see anything else going on. If you think she couldn’t be cheating because your with her all the time, wrong again. We make time. If you think she couldn’t be cheating because you live together, wrong again. We make place. All you need is time and place and we can easily manage both of those.

Now, to the other side of the female scale….the stalker. The “call you 11 seconds after you drop her off at her door to talk to you all the way home” girl. Technically you cant get a restraining order, but in my opinion stalking is any act that makes you feel as though your personal space has been violated without invitation. If you ask her to touch your junk and she does it, that’s not the same as stalking because you invited her to touch your junk.

Girls….the last thing any smart, self sufficient guy wants is a girl that doesn’t have her own agenda. And if hes not smart or self sufficient, yall might as well skip the dating process all together and jump right into a clingy, gross, disturbing relationship where you both feed off each others emotional intensity and call it love. The quickest way to get rid of a guy is treat him like hes the only thing wonderful that ever lived 10 seconds after you meet. Or loan him money :) :) its important to have your own life, your own situation, your own thoughts and opinions or you just end up fitting into his plan..excuse me but what the fuck is so cool about HIS plan? Why would you expend conscience effort to fit into someone else plan as opposed to creating your own? The only circumstances I have herd of people not cheating is when they haven’t been together long enough to get that far or when they find the one person they don’t have to bend to fit with and then they marry that girl.

So, in conclusion, guys like it when your not a stalker. They like when you give them regular blow jobs and bake them cookies for when they come home from a long day. If you can make them laugh on top of all that, your golden. :) :) oh, and when I say BLOW JOBS, I mean AWESOME blow jobs so take a class if you are not proficient in the art. its nothing to be embarrassed about. A man would rather someone teach you how to be good instead of having to fake the enjoyment every time :) at the end of the day, its all about blow jobs and chocolate chip cookies :)


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I dance, I entertain, and I also babysit a bunch of no game, drooling ass grown men who need to walk up a few flights of steps, cause their game is in massive need of a makeover….step it up boys (by Ali Lee)

So this is the story of what happened to me the other night when I was dancing on my stage at opera nightclub, the largest, most exclusive venue in Atlanta. And when I say dancing I don’t mean bouncing my ass or going low to the ground with the whole stripper, “cant actually do a dance move” thing. I’m talking technique, turns, rhythm variation, costumes, and hard core sweat. Fuck glistening like a lady. When I dance, I sweat. So mind you, this doesn’t look like a game when I’m on that stage. And, of course the many gentleman in the venue want to talk to the dancer so they all politely cum up to me time and time again, I guess not realizing the beats about to drop and the bass is about to start kickin, which is basically my go hard signal, and ask me where I’m from and what my nationality is, and other ridiculously boring questions. *side note* do you really think your the first guy to ask me where I’m from tonight? And if you say no, then do you really think you’re THAT good looking that you can also be boring and totally unoriginal and STILL be the one to leave the lasting impression it would take for me to think about you twice??? honestly fellas. Never give yourself that much credit. Also, if you ARE that good looking that you don’t have to be interesting or original to get with a female, then its safe to say, your girl is a bimbo.
Then there are the dues that come actually SIT their happy drunk asses down on my stage and I’m like, “oh please excuse ME…I’m only doing sick ass moves right here, but really don’t mind me. After all, this is YOUR world I’m just here being irrelevant. Then they look at me like I must be crazy when I politely tap them on the shoulder and say, “get the fuck off my stage home boy.” Id like to take this opportunity to say that when a female seems like she must be crazy, she likely is…..so it would be your best bet not to fuck with her. Either that or you just did something really dumb and shes totally accurate and not crazy at all. Probably both have happened to you once or seven times in your life.
Anyway I have side tracked. The point of all this is that those dudes are perfectly annoying, but also perfectly harmless. Or maybe they are just bright enough to peep my gigantic security guards near me at all times….however, some dudes are not harmless, instead they are grabby, handsy and feel extremely overly entitled. I meant to ask the last guy that grabbed my crotch when I bent down to politely answer the 15th dude asking me where im from, what exactly gave him the audacity to even think bout putting his hands on me, but after grabbing him up by his collar and twisting his arm up around his back, pulling him a solid 2 inches from my face and telling him if he ever put his mother fucking shit on me again he was gonna be walking outta that joint carrying his teeth in a plastic cup, my security came to drag his sorry broke married ass outta there, so I didn’t have a chance to ask questions.
In conclusion, if you touch a girl that didn’t ask you to touch her, you are a douche bag. Not just in that moment, but in every day life. And its something you should work on because there are way to many douche bags runnin around this planet as it as and as I have stated before, original is a good thing. Also you should work on it because one day you might grab the wrong girl and she might pop the buttons offa ur stupid shirt and thoroughly embarrass you in front of all ur, divorced/pasty skin sporting, super cool friends. Some females are a force you ought not reckon with :)

Sorry wanna be scum bag, u aint famous and ur buster bullshit don’t work on a real lady, repping the 10 cent piece like its going out of style. :( sorry


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Time to Focus, Bitches.

Goldfish Note: This was a comment I posted in response to one of the first posts on this site, in which Stackhouse discussed a reality of college life, among other things… see the original post at http://jasonstackhouse.com/powerthirst-lol-how-about-snortski-thirst-the-way-the-modern-college-student-throws-down/ I felt the rest of my new reader base should get to see my response. This was also the post that solidified my friendship with a certain brilliant degenerate, who also posts on this blog, so it holds significance to me, personally. Get Some, bitches. <3———-
All I have to contribute to this is the observation that a major percentage of people who were in the 18-35 age bracket way back in the 80s were blowing sick amounts of remarkably pure cocaine. These people (most likely including my parents) who now function as supercilious assholes who forget what they were doing when they were our age, did this 24/7: before work, at work, during lunch, after work, during business negotiations, before sex, after sex, in the club, before the gym. It was a completely normalized aspect of society, especially in the early to mid-80s, when the purity of the yayo was off the charts and the getting was really good from the Columbians. What our generation has suffered, aside from the stigmatization of speed and glorification of shitty weed, is the general decline of quality blow available. In the 80s, coke was top quality, and it was cheap. Supply and demand, fuckers. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, I don’t have time to break it down – go take an Econ 101 class, but I digress… Given the prevalence of scammers and crappy, cut-up coke in circulation, this is where the beauty of Adderall comes in. Pros: clean, focused, alert, coherent high. Cons: may cost up to $5 a pill if you’re a guy (I’m a chick so I always got them for free). How the hell do you think I researched and wrote a 25-30 page final paper for my “Feminism in Political Theory” class my senior year of undergrad? 18 hours of chemically-assisted focus. No suicidal nausea the next day from all the baking soda and baby laxative. Added Bonus: decreased appetite and boosted metabolism. Fuck the fillers, fuck the calorie/carb-laden Red Bull… get serious and pop an addy. And for the record, I got an A on that paper, bitches.
Get Addy-ed, Get Some. <3

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For Those Who Don’t Get It

After I began posting on this blog, I caught quite a bit of flak from people through inbox messages on Facebook, as well as emails from people who were completely scandalized by what I was saying. So, in the spirit of “fuck all,” here’s a blow by blow of the first sentence of an email I received. Note: This is not a grammatically correct sentence, but I have retyped it in its original form.

“Characteristic trailer trash ramblings of a malignant adolescent imprudently vying for peer acceptance from a clique whose social values are dubious, is demeaning.”

“Characteristic trailer trash?”  I wouldn’t consider myself trailer trash. Working class, yes. Dad worked on cars ever since I can remember, but I, for one, never lived in a trailer. Always went to private school (to the detriment of my family’s financial well-being) read the classics growing up, watched a bazillion musicals and documentaries, took ballet, gymnastics, figure skating, can distinguish Tchaikovsky from Vivaldi, put myself through an Ivy League university… meh…I guess not so trailer trash, after all, huh?

“Ramblings?”  All my posts have a point. Hopefully you get it. Unlike the terribly constructed sentence that is the subject of this blog. [shudder]

“Malignant?”  I’d say I’m pretty benign to be honest. I talk a big game, but it’s all in good fun. Believe it, and that’s your own problem, not mine.

“Adolescent?”  Why thank you, I’ve gotten to the point where I’m going to begin lying about my age, since I’ve passed 29, but I’m still being carded for my Parliaments at Walgreens. So maybe the adolescent part might be remotely buyable; although you are off by 13 years, I’ll allow it.

“Imprudently vying for peer acceptance?” Nah, not really. As long as I amuse myself, I’m happy. Usually there is a select group of my friends (many of whom are not even my peers, fyi) who gets what I’m saying and are amused as well. I’m not necessarily looking for their acceptance, but just glad my cleverness isn’t going to waste.

“A clique?” Nope, again. I am the clique. I make the rules; I am the queen bee who accepts and rejects. People audition their wit and humor to me, not vice versa.

“Social values which are dubious?” This part is totally fucking correct, sir. My social values are dubious at best. Seriously.

“Demeaning?”  No one can insult/demean/condescend to/hurt/or make you cry unless YOU allow them to. Enough said. That goes for this entire paragraph of criticism that I’ve deconstructed. Preach on. For anyone who doesn’t get it and prefers to hate, hear this: Fuck off, Get Some <3

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Separate Them from Us; Equality is a Non-Issue when It Comes to Good Looks

So I go to the gym tonight at peak time, not because I want to be there at 6 p.m., it’s just how my day panned out. The whole 5 minute drive there, I’m dreading it, because I know how busy L.A. Fitness in Lauderdale can be at that time of day. Plus, it’s a legs day for me, in addition to cardio. This means fighting for machines, weights, and a treadmill or elliptical. The only consolation is that I’m figuring all the pretty boy 9-5 schmucks who live for the weekend should be in there at the time, so at least I’ll have a lot of talent to observe. Obvi, I should be surrounded by beautiful people, especially if I have to wait for an elliptical. I was so motherfucking wrong. Now, don’t misunderstand me: I get it, if I go to the gym at 11 a.m. or 1 p.m., I expect to see the soccer moms, the fat chicks, the old dudes, the fat guys. NOT during high volume time between 6 p.m. and 7:30 p.m. WHAT THE FUCK. I felt like Danny Glover, when he’s out hunting big game at Planet Fitness in Ridley Park. Jesus fucking Christ. Talk about a huge square foot area filled with fat, ugly people, sweating their balls and drooping tits off (self excluded, of course).
The gym is a necessary evil; however, if I have to go in there and work out, I should not have to be subjected to a visual assault in the form of obese, busted-out, graceless human forms. I pay good money to be able to go in there, run, lift, stretch, and mock those who wear flip flops/sunglasses/Ed Hardy/fedoras/scarves while working out. I expect said subjects of mockery to be tan, jacked, and tatted up. Unfortunately, I did not experience that tonight, to my huge disappointment and utter disgust.
My solution is for L.A. Fitness to qualify the membership during certain hours… let’s make those who are above a pre-specified body fat percentage be forced to come in only during certain hours. For example, I rarely get out of bed before 11 a.m. The Fuglys could come in between 5 and 11 a.m., then be banned until 10 p.m., picking up Fugly hours from 10 p.m. to midnight. All the hot people are home at that point anyways, showering, getting ready to go out to the clubs. From 11 a.m. to 10 p.m., everyone who walks through those doors would be strictly attractive, fuckable, and part of the sexy clique of Ft. Lauderdale. I, for one, am motivated to run longer, better, faster, stronger on that treadmill if I have the stud of the month on the treadmill next to me. I will definitely squat a few extra reps if Miss February is doing her lunges next to the Smith machine I am monopolizing for 3 sets of 12. Pretty people belong together… so do the genetically cursed of society. Separate is never equal, nor should it be. Be Sexy, Get Some, bitches. <3

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Get out of my house, bitch…

So tonight, I’m staying in with my magically delicious roommate, and we decide to allow a Jew into our apartment. He shows up with our favorite, “Brack and Yerrow,” so that’s not a problem. We’re all drinking, having fun. About 5 minutes later, one other friend walks into the apartment (which admittedly we left unlocked). We call this kid, “Laying Down Crying.” We all go out onto the balcony to smoke a cig, and we see a brunette stroll past us and into my living room. After much hemming and hawing on the balcony, I walk into the living room and ask this bitch, “Excuse me, who are you?”

Her: “I’m A–.”

Me: “And why are you in my apartment?”

Her: “I’m with ‘Laying Down Crying.’”

Me: “Ok.”

So I go into my roommate’s bathroom which is in the master bedroom, not accessible to the public. Laying Down Crying is pissing in my roommate’s bedroom, not in the guest bathroom. So I stroll in while he’s pissing and ask him,

Me: “Who is that whore in my living room?”

Him: “My girl, A–.”

Me: “I don’t know her, get that bitch the fuck out of my house.”

Him: “Uhhhhh.”

I proceed to go back to the balcony w/ my roommate and the Jew and Brack and Yerrow… Where we watch both of them walk by, her pulling him by the hand. He tries to gesture as if to say, “what the fuck,” yet she drags him out. I follow and deadbolt the door.

After they get out onto the street, they stroll past our balcony, and “Laying Down Crying” flips us off. Like WE are the problem? What the fuck, seriously? Get Some… xoxo <3

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To the Dude who responded to my Cromartie rant and called me a Cunt

Dear Child Cock,

If you really were trying to double post in order to put me on blast for my team not winning… Idiot, you might want to change up your wording.

Pats played like shit, I admit it. Welcome to the world of being a Boston sportsfan, welcome to my life. Fuck off. I stand by my team, spit sugar smack with the best of the big boys, and I always will. Blow me, douche-bag.

And I do believe there were many, many other people, talking heads included, who had the same opinion of the Jets/Pats matchup. Tom Brady is phenomenally talented, but perhaps you don’t follow professional football and haven’t seen him play. I am sure I understand the game better than you do. So when you talk about cunts, stick to speaking strictly of your female relatives.

Xoxo Too bad you can’t Get Some. <3

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My Dislikes As Posted on Facebook: Expanded Upon, Part 2

  • When it’s 108 with the heat index: hence why there is no beach going in June and July.
  • My stress-induced insomnia: I am currently writing the first draft of this blog at 5:38 a.m. and contemplating going to the gym afterward. No… sleep…. till Brooklyn.
  • David Caruso (so smarmy): ugh, someone please make sure he OD’s in the next few years. Dear god(s), we will trade you Heath Ledger for David Caruso… AND give you Justin Bieber as a bonus.
  • When people make grammatical/spelling errors on their Facebook status and tweets: The entire cast of Jersey Shore, about 800 of my 1100 Facebook friends, and Mr. Jason Stackhouse (the big slinging dick himself, but it’s part of his charm, no?)
  • Guys who must have Splenda and skim milk in their coffee: be a fucking man and drink it black
  • Decaf coffee: is there any point? Seriously?
  • American Idol and any person who has ever been on it: the only one I know of is that cow, Kelly Clarkson, and I don’t know what the fuck is going on with her career
  • Conservative politics: I should live in Sweden
  • People who bandwagon when their home team finally is doing well: shut the fuck up I was a Patriots/C’s/B’s/Sox fan when they sucked
  • Any New York Yankees fan who did not grow up in NY: bandwagoning douche-bags
  • Any New York Yankees fan: period
  • Guys who “psst” me to get my attention: mostly Mexicans up north did this, not so much in Lauderdale
  • Cops: as Ice-T said, “Fuck the Po-lice”
  • People who drink virgin frozen drinks: are you fucking kidding me? A virgin frozen margarita is sour mix and lime juice with ice…Jesus Christ
  • Beautiful girls who are so fucking stupid they can only talk about their hair: most of the girls in SoFlo
  • People who can’t stay sober for more than 2 days in a row: so apparently I dislike myself and all my friends
  • Lateness: Mostly directed at one of my best friends up north, as well as my sneaky Asian bitch who is so late that the greasy-spoon-diner waiter pities me for pretending I’m going to have lunch with an imaginary friend
  • Poorly behaved dogs: I blame their lazy-ass owners
  • Men who act like boys: I blame their over-indulgent Italian mothers
  • The fucking New York Jets: see previous blog regarding Cromartie and Ryan. My sentiments still stand despite the outcome last Sunday. Jets suck.
  • Girls who are threatened by other pretty girls: you’re insecure, bitch.
  • Badge bunnies: If I don’t like cops, imagine how I feel about girls who get off on cops… eww
  • People who are ignorant of how to behave in a bar: please youtube.com “the bartender hates you” to educate yourself or click the link below, or risk a Goldfish fin slap to your fucking face. Get Some <3

The Bartender Hates You

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My Dislikes As Posted on Facebook: Expanded Upon, Part 1

  • Simple-minded people who do not get my sarcasm: prime example, if you are offended by any of my statuses, tweets, or blog posts
  •  Being cock-blocked: especially by gay guys or ex-boyfriends
  • Restaurants/bars that are nowhere close to maintaining any standard of cleanliness or able to stock any of the proper liquor: this refers to one bar at which I used to work, primarily.
  • All the fake posers and bullshitters in SoFlo: don’t try to sell it to me, I don’t want to hear your sob story about how you used to have so much cash, but now there is some excuse for your driving a KIA
  • Self-proclaimed “players” who have really weak game: get some new lines, that shit is worn the fuck out
  • Ed Hardy and anything that is more sparkly than something I’d wear: other than His Highness the Sparkle Princess, I really abhor all this rhinestone blingy-bling nonsense on the back of any other dudes’ shirts and jeans. Fagaliciousness.
  • Airhead girls – airhead guys: Stupid people bore me to death. Period. Regardless of their gender.
  • Boys who try to perpetuate the Guido Jersey Shore stereotype just ‘cause they think they’ll get laid: First of all, I’m from RI and I wouldn’t bang Pauly D himself, what makes you think I’d want to bang a Pauly D wannabe?
  • People who bitch and moan: I got bigger problems than you do, bitch.
  • Not being allowed to yawn without someone commenting on it: I’m tired – haven’t slept since I was an infant – friggin’ sue me. OR… your conversation is boring the shit out of me.
  • Hangovers: Uggggh…. Between the alcohol and the drugs, I paid a lotta money to feel this shitty.
  • Being shitfaced: I’m a control freak, don’t like to lose it. Worse yet – the stories the next day.
  • Shoveling snow: LOL, I live in South Florida, motherfuckers! Don’t have to deal with this ever again. Hope all my friends up north are currently enjoying it.


No Snow here, bitches. Get Some <3

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Cromartie, Do Me a Favor, and Go Fuck Yourself

Ok, so admittedly this is not typical Blonde Goldfish Diary Material, but as a New England Patriots fan for the past 20+ years (not getting my true age so easily, motherfuckers), I cannot remain silent on the subject. As quoted by espn.com and other reliable sports news sites, the fucking New York Jets cornerback Antonio Cromartie gave the following quip to the NY Daily News in reference to Tom Brady, “An asshole…Fuck him.” Oh really? Bwaahahahaha…

Seriously? And then their pussy-ass coach Rex Ryan and incompetent D-end Shaun Ellis want to get all Princess Pea-ish and bitch and moan about the manner in which Brady’s acknowledging of plays last December made every fan in Foxboro Stadium CMGI Field Gillette Stadium and watching on t.v. go absolutely fucking nuts? Sorry, Ryan, you don’t like his “antics?” Oh ok, his bad, sorry, last meet up in Foxboro, in December, I do recall Prince Brady threw 4 TDs and 326 yards, topping only our favorite cock-pic texting Brett Favre (fuck that whore Jenn) for most consecutive wins at home. Was the score not J-E-T-S [suck-suck-suck] 3 and the Patriots 45? Laughing out fucking loud at “Coach” Ryan’s quote after that game referring to Coach Belichick being “I came in here to kick his butt…and he kicked mine.” All I have to respond is, “Yes, you are fucking correct, sir.”

So,  I am not sure what is giving the fucking New York Jets so much confidence to be talking shit before Sunday’s game. I just want to leave you all with the name of the Facebook group I joined back in the Videogate scandal, back when people still joined Facebook groups. It was called (and still is) “Quit your bitching, the Patriots beat you ‘cause you suck.” There you go, “Coach” Ryan. Start your jaw stretching exercises or get out the lube and start slathering it on. Coach Belichick is the one true God, and Tom Brady is his Prophet. In the name of the Brady, the Connolly, and the Deion Branch, Amen, bitches. See you all on Sunday, it’s ON. Get Some. <3

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Acting like a Princess, Despite Dealing with Sea-Hags

About a month or so ago, I was bartending a very slow Sunday night. It was one of those nights that I only had a few sporadic customers between 8 and 11 p.m., so needless to say I was able to enjoy the Sunday Night Football broadcast and a few beers with minimal annoying interruptions. The bar was completely deserted by 11, but I (like the fucking trooper that I am) waited until 1 a.m. to actually lock the door, clean up, and close out the register.

Now, I have to stop right here and define a term for you. SEA-HAG. In my neighborhood, among my clique, this word refers to a woman over 50, who is a complete slutty, drunken, psycho Fort Lauderdale whore. Usually she dresses like a slore, MUST have huge fake tits, and a fucked up face. In general these women are high-maintenance bar customers who tip like shit. I must give props to Brett (my favorite Broski) for inspiring this term with his own coining of the “Slam Pig.” Basically, a Sea-Hag is an old, worked-over, burnout, aging Slam Pig.

To continue, right around 1:20, as I’m batching out the credit card machine and counting the register, I see two old, busted women banging on the plate-glass window. These drunken Sea-Hags both are insanely annoying and ridiculously tacky. They are waving at me, tottering on their ugly, cheap heels, and incessantly tap-tap-tapping on the glass.

Apparently, no one told them that knocking and tapping on the fishbowl or aquarium (a.k.a., bar windows or doors) is a quick way to provoke this Goldfish to wrath.

As fucking aggravated and pissed as I was, I walked over and smilingly told them (since it clearly was not obvious enough, with the barstools up on the bar, the floor shiny and wet, and all the lights blazing) I was closed out for the night. The one busted blonde, weighing in at 70lbs, her tits most likely 25% of her body weight, threw me a dirty look and informed me I should be open until 2am, while the cheap Brazilian told me she was going to call the owner. The Brazilian whips out her ghetto cell and proceeds to call the elderly owner. My response through the glass was, “Fine, call him, I really don’t care. I’m closed.” She then looked at me and said, “You are an ignorant bitch.” Exit stage left, two nasty, aging, plastic-surgery addicted, coked-up, and blacked-out Sea-Hags, fortunately for them before I unlocked that door and let loose with a crazy tirade.

About an hour later (as I’m four shots of Stoli deep at the bar next door to mine), the owner calls my cell. I tell him my side of the story… he agrees I did the right thing by closing at that particular time, and that was it. Obviously, the key part of this story the quote from that busted foreign Sea-Hag: “You are an ignorant bitch.”

Really. Really? Really?! REALLY!!!! Now, don’t get me wrong, this is about 75% amusing to me and 25% anger-provoking. This Brazilian bitch doesn’t know me personally or my background. I may be many things: neurotic, oversexed, caustic, narcissistic, and underpaid – and most definitely I AM a bitch – but I am not ignorant. I went to Brown University, you cunt. Where did you get your education? Oh wait, you didn’t even go to college did you? that’s right … Kiss my cute, Ivy-League ass. Get Some. <3

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Je m’appelle Jocelyn. Enchante, bitches.

Every single day of my life, one of my primary goals is to get off amuse myself, usually at the expense of someone else. If I don’t do it, who else will do it for me? Most of the posts to follow this one will expand on this theme: my own fucking amusement. Anything that varies from this will most likely be a Glover-esque rant, in which I rip to shreds whatever/whomever is pissing me off at the moment. Prepare yourselves for the Diary of a Blonde Goldfish. Here we go, bitches. Get Some.

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Time Magazine & Zuckerberg can both suck my cock


A few weeks back I first voiced my displeasure with bitch Zuckerberg being named Time’s Person Of The Year.  The fact that this highly regarded desigination was bestowed upon such a supreme child-cock truly appalled me.  As promised in my preceding post (Fagat Zuckerberg), here is the first group of nominees that I think are worthy of being named the Jasonstackhouse.com MAN of the YEAR. 


Feel free to submit your own nominations - Danny Glover



Barack Obama-  I didn’t like Obama when he was running for president (I hated McCain too so dont think I’m some stupid fucking republican that jerks off to fox news).  Mainly because I didn’t think he had enough political experience and I fucking hated how dumb fuck college-cocks rallied behind him without even knowing where he stood on critical issues.  But since coming into to office, my boy Barack has grown on me quite a bit.  I still don’t agree with most of the stimulus package and the shit health care bill he pushed through congress , but he did provide me with 99 straight weeks of paid vacation (thanks taxpayers).  He also bent the CEO of BP over a chair, and ass-fucked 20 billion dollars out of him for the Gulf oil-spill relief fund.

H. Beatty Chadwick- spent 14 years in contempt of court for refusing to reveal the account numbers of his offshore accounts so the courts couldn’t give half of his money to his cunt ex-wife.

Cliff Lee- Almost never do you see anything like this in professional sports anymore.  Lee left around 30 million dollars of guaranteed money on the table and gave the Yankees a big ole’ fuck you when he decided to come back home to Philly. 

Charlie Sheen-The Teflon don of degenerate movie stars.  Mr. Sheen spends his free-time crushing booze, beating wives/hookers, railing lines, and destroying private property,  all while somehow avoiding any significant jail time.  Even with his numerous transgressions regularly exposed by the media, Charlie still manages to shake down CBS for 2 million an episode (I think 2 and 1/2 men fucking blows BTW)

Oprah- for finally ending her stupid fucking talk show; which for too many years, inspiredfooled countless fat bitches into thinking they have equal rights as regular people, can lead meaningful/fulfilling lives, and that they actually contribute to society……….pffft, all fat bitches do is eat, induce nausea if viewed while wearing spandex, and raise health-care costs for the rest of us.  Without Oprah’s constant coddling, fattys’ across the country will be in dire need of some comfort food.

Dick Cheney- he should be included in this discussion every year due to his unwavering love and support of water boarding……anyone that disagrees with water boarding and thinks it is torture, fuck you, you are a pussy, and you are the reason this country is becoming gay as fuck now.  The greatest superpower in the history of man should not take any shit from a bunch of jihadist camel-cocks. 

Montana Fishburne- Father Laurence urged his daughter not to pursue her dream of becoming a porn star and vowed to disown her if she did so.  Thankfully, Montana choose to ignore his demands and signed on with Vivid entertainment.  At first I was confused as to why she would hurt her father by going against his wishes…..Laurence must have been a good dad (I thought he did an excellent job of raising Cuba Gooding Jr. in Boyz in the Hood).  But after viewing her porn debut I knew why; the girl has got some quality fuck skills.  Montana gets my nomination because she fucks like a champ….. and it takes some fucking balls to disobey Morpheius.

Mike Vick-I don’t care that he electrocuted and drowned defenseless dogs.  I also don’t care that Ron Mexico has been sued for allegedly infecting unsuspecting who-bags with the herp.  When he flicks his wrist and the ball goes 70 yards, my dick gets hard. 

Donald Trump-The Donald has had an excellent year of bullying bitches and making power moves. Trump, successfully bought the Mosque down the road from the world trade center, and showed Muslim fundamentalists that their fagot assholes don’t have any love in the big apple. And to add to the power strokes, he also threw his hat in for the 2012 presidential election. Lucky you republicans!! Now that stupid fucking cum dumpster from Alaska can go back to huffing paint, fucking her red neck husband, filming horrible reality TV shows, and ice fishing.  Fuck Sarah Palin, fuck her whore daughter, and fuck her mongoloid son.

The Inventer of Four Loko- Under duress from politicians and various government agencies, the makers of this lovely concoction decided it best to remove all of the stimulates from their once great beverage.  The panty dropper lost it’s punch and will be sorely missed.  Now all that remains is just another fruity fag malt-beverage (Booze+No Uppers=No Fun).  Oh well. at least Four Loko and I had a good run during the short time we spent together.  Thank you for allowing me to relive some past glory from my college days; blackouts, bar fights, and unprotected sex with countless slampigs. 


A preview of Montana’s porn debut

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Fagat Zuckerburg named Time 2010 Person Of The Year…..

-I fucking hate Mark Zuckerburg, always have, always will, I hate him more and more with each passing day.  I hate him so much I would agree to be castrated in exchange for a chance to beat him gouge out his eye and skull-rape his bleeding eye socket.  Why do I hate him so???  Concisely, he stole the idea for Facebook and then lucked himself into billions of dollars when the shit blew up, all while being a fucking nerd-pussy that jerks off while playing magic cards.  He took what seemed to be a noble concept of helping friends reconnect/stay connected and turned it into a direct marketing mega-whore that rapes the privacy of individual users (Google your name and see for yourself, my first search result use to say ”likes to snort blow off of strippers asses ” before I went ahead with the name change) .  Somehow this waste of seminal fluid manages to avoid any backlash for his blatant misappropriation of peoples personal information.  I cant stand how the media continually praises Zuckerburg and  his forced anal-ization of FB into every area of our daily lives, while portraying him as some fucking Nobel-prize worthy humanitarian.   Although I hate FB and  think it is fucking extremely gay, I, like so many countless others am hooked.  I mean, it does prove useful in some facets;  it gives me an open forum to express my views/opinions with friends, enables me to stalk the profiles of hot girlsbarely-legal slutbags in search of bikini pics, and also makes a nice platform for my various cyber-bullying activities.   However, these beneficial aspects are habitually negated by soft-dick Zuckerburg.   Every time I get into a nice comfort zone on “the book” in relation to how the site is laid out and operates, this cocksucker changes shit.  Zuckerburg proclaims that the changes are supposed to make things easier but the “improvements” only result in 1.)an overall more faggoty experience for users who don’t list dicksucker as their primary occupation (Danny Glover Became a Fan of “killing hookers”  looked just dandy in the news feed, now I gotta see this  LIKE bullshit instead)  2) and/or make it easier for Facebook to compile more in depth personal data profiles to sell to third-party direct marketing firms ( I wonder if the constant bombardment of meet sexy singles/drug&alcohol rehab ads has anything to do with my affinity for blowing backs out after a night of heavy boozing?)  Anyway, I could go on hating on Facebook for days but Im off on a fucking tangent again so let me get to the point;  Zuckerburg is a gay pussy.  He sits atop the child-cock Pantheon.  He’s a premature ejaculator.  I really fucking hate him…..and I really didn’t think my hatred of him could run any deeper, until I saw that the socially inept Facebook heiress was named Time Magazine’s Person Of The Yearfor 2010.  PFFFFFFFTTTTTT……..FUCK THAT NOISE.  I am sick of all the undeserved ball-washing that this pussy gets, so I refuse to recognized him as the rightful recipiant of the POTY designation.  Furthermore, I shall not acknowledge any future awards/honors bestowed apon Zuckerbitch, or any other undeserving public figure, by mainstream media outlets from this point forward.  In closing, I am  proud  to announce that we here at JasonStackhouse.com will be nominating our own list of individuals worthy of being named MAN of the YEAR later on this week. Instead of having some sweater-vest wearing child cock editor deciding who wins like they do at TIME magazine, we will hold a vote and let the people decide our  innagural winner. These nominees will be individuals who are true kings of dick sling and had the most profound impact on those of us that continually go hard.

-GET SOME- Danny Glover

Just need to ad this due to the local hating of ur post by a poor scumbag who lives in norwood PA, trying to impersonate a billionaire lol, he probably lives in his parents3-1 and thinks he’s a boss. Next time u try to impersonate a genius of cyber space, who also doubles as a cock clown u should mask, or redirect ur ip ADDRESS. Get Some, wannabe bitch

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Thank You Child-cocks, You’ve gone and fucked it up for the rest of us once again

Ahhhh, It’s happened again.   I really fucking hate when it comes to this, but it is inevitable in our weak-cock society.  I guess at a time like this, you just gotta focus on the good times, and move forward in life.  I’m sure everyone has heard of all the bad publicity that “Four Loko” has been recieving recently; numerous individuals have been hospitalized after enjoying this delicious beverage, it’s been banned on countless college campuses, and a few states have even banned the drink outright.  I didnt think to much of it all, as long as I still could find a place to buy my new favorite ” party-starter ” “panty-dropper”, and  I could care a fuck less if some Tri-Lamb up state had to get his stomach pumped because he was being a big pussy.  But today that all changed.  Under mounting pressure from the FDA, the manufacturer of Four Loko agreed to remove all caffine from it’s product from now on.  Im sure that Gurana and Taurine will soon be removed also.  That basically puts Four Loko in the class of a fruity fucking wine cooler (Arbour Mist anyone?).  Fuck it, I guess I’ll just have to get my alcohol speed-ball fix the old fashion way; either crushing beers and chewing adderall, or redbull-vodka drinks.  I’ll be ok I suppose, but it saddens me deeply when child-cocks ruin a good thing for the rest of us.  I would like to bid a fond farewell to Four Loko, as you now share the same fate as recreational drug use, and drunk driving.  Thank you child cocks, you have fucked us all once again.

     -Danny Glover

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Dear Camel Jockey Terrorists, I Hate All Of You Goat-Fucking Coward-Cocks And Hope You Die….But If You Insist On Trying To Blow Shit Up, At Least Consider PENN-DOT As A Possible Target

 Finally got my  license restoration requirements letter from PENN-DOT.  After two years without a license it looks like it’s gonna cost me at least $2 G’s to be able to legally drive again.  This does not even factor in how expensive my car insurance will now be……I blew a .084, seriously, Fuck you PENN-DOT.

                         COMMONWEALTH OF PENNSYLVANIA         ____   ____
                         DEPARTMENT OF TRANSPORTATION
                          BUREAU OF DRIVER LICENSING
                            HARRISBURG, PA  17123

   ******* ******* *******              DRIVER'S LICENSE NUMBER: ********
   109 ****** DR                        BIRTH DATE:              03/09/**      

   BOOTHWYN PA 19061                                                           

   Dear MR. ******* :                                                          

   This is a RESTORATION REQUIREMENTS LETTER.  It lists what you
   must do to restore your driving privilege.  PLEASE BE AWARE THAT
   by the Department of Transportation (PENNDOT) that your driving
   privilege has been restored.  Only after that may you drive.                

   The date when you are eligible to have your driving privilege restored
   has not been determined.  To determine this ELIGIBILITY DATE, you
   must resolve any issues listed in this letter as DRIVER'S LICENSE
   and/or PRISON RELEASE REQUIREMENT.                                          

   Please read the following information carefully and be sure to
   complete all requirements to have your driving privilege restored.
   Unless another address is indicated, return any documents and/or
   fees to the MAILING ADDRESS listed at the end of this letter.               

   -You must pay a $25.00 restoration fee to PENNDOT.  Write your
    driver's license number (listed above) on the check or money order
    to ensure proper credit.  Your check or money order should be made
    payable to PENNDOT.  Please note:  Paying the restoration fee DOES NOT
    satisfy the requirement to acknowledge your suspension/revocation.
    If you have not acknowledged your suspension/revocation, please
    follow the instructions listed under "Driver's License Return".            

  LICENSE NO. : ********                                      PAGE  2          

   -Within 30 days of your ELIGIBILITY DATE, provide a copy of one of
    the following to PENNDOT to show that all motor vehicles currently
    registered in Pennsylvania in your name are insured:
             *Insurance ID card
             *Declaration page of your insurance policy
             *Insurance Binder
             *An application of insurance to the PA Auto Insurance Plan
    If you do not own a motor vehicle currently registered in Pennsylvania,
    send a signed statement of this fact to PENNDOT which reads "I do
    not own any motor vehicles currently registered in Pennsylvania".
    Please include your name, address, driver's license number and date
    of birth on the statement.                                                 

   -You did not attend or pass a special written point or a driver's
    examination, which will include a test of your vision, knowledge
    and on-road skills.  Please call PENNDOT at 1-800-942-39261-800-942-3926 FREE to
    reschedule your examination.                                               

   -You did not respond to a traffic citation (G0033865) in the following
        800 SPRING GARDEN ST
        PO BOX 56301
        PHILADELPHIA PA 191232690 215-686-1675
    Date of Violation:  04/28/06 Amount Owed:    $175.50
    Contact the court to satisfy the citation.  (If the court information
    does not appear, write or call PENNDOT at the address or phone number
    listed at the end of this letter).                                         

   -You did not respond to a traffic citation (B28791081) in the following
        32242 DISTRICT COURT
        36 E BOONE AVENUE                                                      

        GLENOLDEN PA 19036 610-583-6647
    Date of Violation:  10/06/06 Amount Owed:    $240.00
    Contact the court to satisfy the citation.  (If the court information
    does not appear, write or call PENNDOT at the address or phone number
    listed at the end of this letter).                                         

  LICENSE NO. : ********                                      PAGE  3          

    You are required to have an approved Ignition Interlock System
    installed in your vehicle(s).  Approximately 30 days before
    your ELIGIBILITY DATE, you should contact one of the following
    approved vendors listed below to make arrangements to have the
    System installed. If you do not own a vehicle, you must still
    contact one of the vendors below to have a certificate of
    non-ownership completed.                                                   

    - Consumer Safety Technology, Inc.       - 1-877-777-50201-877-777-5020 FREE
    - KeystoneSmartstart.com                 - 1-800-880-33941-800-880-3394 FREE
    - Interlock Systems of Pennsylvania, Inc.- 1-800-452-17391-800-452-1739 FREE
    - National Interlock, Inc.               - 1-866-342-49841-866-342-4984 FREE
    - Alcohol Detection Systems              - 1-800-786-73941-800-786-7394 FREE
    - PA Interlock, Ultimate Protection, Inc.- 1-866-718-86061-866-718-8606 FREE
    - Draeger Interlock, Inc.                - 1-800-332-68581-800-332-6858 FREE
    - GuardianInterlock.com                  - 1-800-499-09941-800-499-0994 FREE
    - Allegheny County Interlock             - 1-412-931-61071-412-931-6107
    - Dauphin County Interlock               - 1-877-692-42181-877-692-4218 FREE                  

   This letter identified the requirements necessary to restore your
   driving privilege and we are looking forward to working with you to do
   this.  Unless another address was indicated, return any documents and/or
   fees to the MAILING ADDRESS listed below.  Phone numbers are provided
   for your use.  To ensure prompt customer service, please write your
   driver's license number, listed at the beginning of this letter, on all
   documents you send to PENNDOT.  Thank you.                                  

   MAILING ADDRESS:                     INFORMATION  (8:00 AM to 5:00 PM)
   PENNDOT                              IN STATE           1-800-932-46001-800-932-4600 FREE
   Bureau of Driver Licensing           OUT-OF-STATE         717-412-5300717-412-5300
   P.O. Box 68693                       TDD IN STATE       1-800-228-06761-800-228-0676 FREE
   Harrisburg, PA 17106-8693            TDD OUT-OF-STATE     717-412-5380717-412-5380


In No Way Does This Post Suggest, Promote, or Condone Commiting Acts Of Terrorism Against The Pennsylvania Department Of Transportation
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